Miss-List

I’ve been thinking about the things that I’ll miss while I’m away. To some extent, I did this before I left Chicago to go to school in Massachusetts as well, but the culture shock during this round is undoubtedly going to be more, well, shocking. So I wanted to take a moment (or a few paragraphs) to reflect on what about Chicago, about Wellesley, and about the US, that I’ll miss the most:

• It goes without saying that I will miss my friends in a painful way, but of course, I’ll say it anyway. My friends are amazing, they’re my chosen family and I have no idea what I’m going to do without them. It’s already so strange to know that my friends are back in Boston, going to class and seeing each other without me. I feel a profound sense of loss for those goons who make me laugh and make me brave. And sure, I have friends from high school who I’m already acclimated to seeing only a few times a year, and yet it’s just knowing that I will be so many thousands of miles away that makes me miss them all even more. That sense of distance has a strange, almost tangible quality to it that I can feel sitting deep in my stomach, making me constantly aware that I’m very far away from every one that I love. 

• And for me, friendship goes almost hand in hand with something else sacred in my life: Taco Bell. For me, Taco Bell has become a ritual over the years. My younger brother and I would go there together to get late night food and we’d sit in the parking lot talking and eating when we started to feel a little cramped at home. Then, in college, I found more people who loved Taco Bell and it’s cheap prices and suspicious ingredients as much as I did. It was a point of bonding as we tried new menu items together, such as the crunch wraps and the Mountain Dew Baja Blast Freeze. And anyone who knows me well knows of my unfailing devotion to the Nacho Cheese Doritos Locos Tacos. What, oh what, will I ever do without this wonderfully American and questionably delicious eatery?
• This may be a strange one, but I’m going to miss the nature sounds from Illinois. I only include this because I didn’t realize how distinct and familiar they had become to me until I first moved to Wellesley 2 years ago. It doesn’t seem like there would be measurable variation in nature sounds between Illinois and Massachusetts, but I found that although Wellesley had some pleasant sounds (crickets and some lovely birds), they couldn't hold up against the cacophony of Illinois. Here in Illinois during the summer, at night the crickets, beetles, frogs, and nocturnal creatures are so loud that I can hear them through walls and closed windows and doors: it is an unrelenting hum of chirping. At dawn, the same 3 birds have called the same three song patterns outside my window for as long as I can remember listening to them—it’s a nice slow whistling call and response. And during the day, the cicadas scream in a relentless and deafening tide of hisses, like the sound of uncooked rice being poured into a plastic tub. I love these sounds, they’re soothing and nostalgic and I’ve always found that I don’t notice them until I already miss them. 
• Any Wellesley girls out there are going to cock their heads when I say that I’m going to miss the Wellesley meal plan. Yes it’s expensive, and yes sometimes the food is rather lackluster, but I’m facing my first semester ever in my life where I’m going to be completely and solely responsible for feeding myself. It’s a little worrisome, particularly considering how time-warped I become during finals week. Suddenly, the idea of being able to go down to the dining hall and have a few pre-made meals ready and waiting for me doesn’t seem so bad, being able to go back for seconds and thirds or afternoon snacks is no big deal. Sure I wish the food quality was better sometimes, but at least I didn’t have to find time to do all the leg work to cook it myself. 
• New England in the fall is unbeatable. And Wellesley in the fall is the stuff of postcards and Instagram. The way the trees seem to light on fire over night, the crisp and clean quality of the air, the way the wind seems to smell like woodsmoke, and of course, the apple cider donuts. I’m sure that England in the fall will be an experience as well, though I’m sure it will be a little more gray than New England. I always feel like I’m walking through a movie set with the technicolor leaves crunching under my feet and the way the cool air seems to bring everything into focus after the hazy summer months always astounds me. 
• I will miss peanut butter. I have no eloquent words for this one. Simply put, I have it on good authority that peanut butter in England is different and I really love American peanut butter, so I will miss having that around to eat with my apples. I feel like this one is pretty self explanatory. 
• The classic study abroad miss-list item: Thanksgiving. A uniquely American holiday that a lot of other countries just don’t seem to get. I’ve always love Thanksgiving because it is a food-centric holiday and I love food. My family has always deep-fried our turkey and filled up on a bunch of old family recipes that we break out twice a year. Green bean casserole, candied sweet potatoes, and stuffing just don’t seem like appropriate fare for anything other than a holiday, really. I will mourn the absence of this feast. 
• I will also miss Target. Who wouldn’t though? It has everything you could possibly need or want, and more! I love to wander around solo or with my friends or my mom, trying on hats and shoes, browsing the home goods section, and carrying stationery and office supplies around for a half hour while deciding whether to buy it or not. Everything at Target is aesthetically please and beyond reasonably priced, and personally, I find it rather fulfilling to stroll through the store endlessly. In high school my best friend and I used to go there to buy pre-made sandwiches during lunch hour, and now my friends and I will go there on weekends and mill around just to get off campus. And even though I always end up spending 70$ there somehow, I never regret the fuzzy slippers, the owl print thank you notes, the Pixi make up items, or the blue wicker storage bins that I buy there. It is truly a magical place. 
• My dog is wonderful and perfect and I may be a little obsessed with him. His name is Oliver, and he is a behemoth teddy bear, and as I found out when I left for college 2 years ago, I usually miss him more than my human family (sorry guys, I really will miss you as well!). He is a big, grumpy, cuddly ball of fur who I love to watch lay around or eat food, or chase shadows, or do anything really. He’s the best and I will miss him an insane amount. 

• Unfortunately for me, my exams won’t be until after the Christmas break, so I won’t be able to go home for the holidays *sad face*. I love Christmas, it’s a magical time of year when everyone seems to be just a little bit happier and just a little bit kinder to one another and the world snuggles up under a fluffy white blanket of icy sparkles. Yes, I love Christmas that much. At home we have a lot of traditions surrounding Christmas, that I’m going to sorely miss this year. We have a huge tree that we put up and decorate with ornaments from my grandma and we put garlands and poinsettias and lights up all over the house until everything is glowing and effused with the holiday spirit. We make my family’s stuffing recipe in a massive batch several weeks in advance, and we string popcorn while watching one of five essential Christmas movies (one of my favorite movie genres). We eat Christmas Eve brunch at one relative’s house (and let me tell you, that is not a meal to miss), and dinner at another house, and then we host Christmas day. I’m going to miss seeing my family, and especially all that wonderful food. 
• Last, but most certainly not least. I am going to miss American breakfast food. As many of you know, breakfast food is my all-time favorite kind of food. I could eat breakfast food for every meal of the day. Late night diners that serve waffles bigger than your head, and perfect, golden hash browns, and bacon and eggs and lox and…the list could go on and on, let’s just say that
  
  I’m going to miss it all. England, of course, has breakfast, and I’m sure that their breakfast will suffice, but there’s just something about the way IHOP does pancakes, or the way Denny’s makes hash browns, or the way my favorite diner at home makes french toast and sausage, or moonlight breakfast at Wellesley that has absolutely spoiled me and given me unrealistic expectations of what breakfast deserves to be.
  

So this is a long list, and now that I’ve reached the end, I’m a little sad and quite hungry, but I’m also looking forward to finding new things to love, and eventually to miss, while I’m in Leeds. So, stay tuned people because we are just about a week out.